fuck it all

you can never seem to help who u fall for regardless if there wrong in every way for u. if we could help it then life wouldn't have half as many challenges or problems for that matter. there will always be something that i regret. and this is my regret. i look to the future and see nothing i watch as my friends are doing such cool and brainy things. they have something that i really don't. its called prospects. i right now am struggling to feel, let alone see a beautiful starry vision dream or future. im beginning to hate what i have become. the saying u can sit in a room filled with people and still feel alone is so true. anyhooow back to the rather horrible point i had originally. i let the chance and person i could have had go, what a fucking retard . im so fucking paying for it now. i feel like an empty shell full of nothing but stale air and useless crap. what is the point to life if not find the things a human desires such as love warmth, family, lust, belonging, and acception. the feeling of being wanted and i dont mean in i need u to do something for me way, or i need money way, i mean as being truely wanted, to want to be there for the rest of ur life. or to care what there thinking and feeling. all of that smutty shit that i generally hate but for some reason am craving from the one guy that i let go....... ??????????????????these question marks are not the constant thing in my head their driving me nuts, i literally feel numb but have so many unanswered questions and no fucking answers. one day i will feel as i did before. the feeling of when i walked i truely walked it was as if i where floating with so much good feelings and happiness. this blog is so damm fucked up. but have no diary so fuck it??????????